“I love you Eloise. Can’t you tell.”

Jesus Christ all mighty! He did not say those words to me. No, no he didn’t. So calm, so confident. With that fucking cute ass smile on his face.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t even know what words were as I stared into those hazel eyes.

I’d forgotten how to breathe. I really had.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’d just stared at him in shock.

All he did was chuckle after he kissed me and close his eyes contently.

How?

How could he say something so life altering and drift off to sleep?

Marcel Remy Duchamp!

What the actual fuck?

Like this dude didn’t even wait for a response. He didn’t care one way or another. Did he not want me to tell him I love him back------oh shit!

Y’all I think I need to go to a cardiologist like for real. There was something wrong with my heart. It was beating too fast. It was hurting. It was stopping. This was not okay. It was not okay at all.

I don’t even know how I fell asleep but I did.

And when I woke up, Marcel wasn’t there.

“I love you Eloise. Can't you tell?”

Do things like this really happen to people like me? Pick an ad, find a room, fuck the roommates, fall in love? Fall in love? Fall in fucking love?

I stared at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. I exhaled slowly and ran my hand over my crisp white work blouse. “Relax, calm down.....it’s okay....”

“I love you Eloise. Can’t you tell?”

“Nope, nope.” I shook my head. “It was just the heat of the moment. You know. Awesome ass sex can make anybody fall in-----” I sighed and shook my head at myself again slowly.

No, no this was real.

Especially that look in his eyes.

Hadn’t I always dreamed of somebody looking at me like that?

I smacked my head. “Fuck!” What the fuck was wrong with me? What had I told Joseph? What had I fucking told Joseph? That I would not under any circumstances fall for Marcel. And if I did. My ass would hightail it out of there.

Eloise Perry Grady you fucking moron!

I sighed and cupped my own face. I was fucked.

Truly and utterly fucked because I knew. I knew deep inside. I was a goner. A complete and absolute goner.

Fake it? Could I fake it?

I would have to fake it.

I took a deep breath and nodded at myself. “Fake it bitch.” Fake it and stay here with them. Don’t tell Marcel you love him. Don’t act any different. Don’t change anything. Just keep it all as is. As is! Last night did not happen. Nothing will be different when you walk your ass downstairs.

Go down. Say hi, get your smoothie and go to work.

Just a regular day like any other.

I nodded as I talked myself through mentally. You know sometimes you just needed a mental check. You know to get your life back on track. You know, make sure you’re still alive by the end of the day.

Forcing all thoughts of love and dreams and wishes to the back of my mind, I skipped downstairs and into the kitchen.

“Hey you look happy.”

Oh shit, Lee tone it down. Tone it all the way down. “Really?” I smiled as I made my way to the counter.

Joseph’s blue eyes sparkled as he looked me over. “Yeah. Sleep while.”

I shrugged. “I guess. You guys tired me out.” I gasped, realizing what I said only as soon as the last word was out.

Joseph barked out a laugh. “You know you can always tap out.” He arched an eyebrow. I noticed his gaze shift behind me.

I pouted. “Oh, but where’s the fun in that?”

“Exactly, where’s the fun in that?” A voice whispered in my ear as an arm snaked around me.

My stomach turned and I tried my best not to react. I turned my head, only to meet Marcel’s face just an inch away. Smiling so softly at me. His hazel eyes seemingly greener than usual. He was shirt less, wearing only his grey ripped up skinny jeans. Even though he wasn’t in my bed when I woke up, he looked like he’d just gotten up. His hair in the sexiest tousled look I’d ever seen.

“Exactly.” I whispered. I didn’t mean to whisper. It just came out that way.

Anyways it didn’t matter. None of that mattered because, he got in my face, his lips upon me in seconds. Not a good morning sex. More of like, let me bring you upstairs for round two kiss.

I’m not going to make it y’all.

“Hummmm.” He whispered after releasing my lips. Marcel wrapped his arm around my shoulder and nozzled my neck. “Is this a new perfume?”

I nodded. It actually was. I bought it when Joseph and I went shopping.

He lifted his head. “I like it.” He grinned.

I smiled back stupidly.

Joseph turned on the water and I almost jumped. Realizing that he was there. I turned back to the counter and took a deep breath. Marcel hadn’t released me. His arm still around me as Joseph poured my smoothie.

Nope, I wasn’t going to last. The butterflies in my belly were flapping at a ridiculous rate. I was once again succumbed to being a young naïve teenage girl with a crush. Yep that’s how I felt. I didn’t want to but I had to. I had to look at Joseph.

He smiled and handed me my smoothie, but his focus was mostly on the guy with his arm still around me, seemingly sniffing me like a dog.

“Marcel that’s enough no?” Joseph reached over and handed him his cup of coffee. “You’re very happy this morning.”

I panicked as I brought the smoothie to my lips.

No, no, please no. Marcel please don’t say anything. Read the room Marcel! Read it. Don’t say you love me! I swallowed hard, the green smoothie somehow taking a more difficult path to go down my throat.

“I am happy.” Marcel answered simply. “You two make me so happy.”

I let out a soft breath.

Marcel leaned over the counter and even to Joseph’s surprise, planted a warm kiss on his unsuspecting lips.

Joseph smiled. I even saw a pink flush on his cheeks.

I held my cup close and focused on drinking. I didn’t even know what I was drinking today. I just needed to drink and move on with it. What I was not going to be was a problem. Nope, not at all. For all our sake.

Marcel came behind me and pressed himself against my back. I almost choked on my smoothie.

What was going on with this kid today? I stiffened.

“Why don’t we all play hooky?” Marcel asked mischeviously.

Joseph chuckled. “Oh you’re really in a mood.”

Marcel slid his hand down my body and immediately cupped me between the legs.

Pressing suggestively as he moved against me.

I jumped and moved out of his hold, laughing loudly. Fuck a little too loudly. “Well I can’t just—just play hooky. I need--I need to make money.” I giggled and wagged my finger at them as I backed out the kitchen.

Marcel pouted. “Oh come on-----”

“See you guys later!” I said loudly and turned and head out. I squeezed my eyes shut as I rushed towards the door. Fuck, fuck. I was not going to make it. I wasn’t. What the hell was wrong with me? What happened to subtle?

I groaned as I closed the front door behind me. And now I was leaving the house before Joseph? “Great fucking job Eloise.” Ugggh Lee! Lee! I was calling myself that more and more cause of stupid-ass Marcel.

Why couldn’t he call me Lee like everybody else?

I stopped on the sidewalk and took a deep breath. Fuck but wasn’t that one of the things I loved about him? Love? LOVE?

I shook my head and walked sadly down the street. I was doomed.

**

I wasn’t doomed.

I’d figured what I was going to say.

I was going to tell Marcel that I didn’t feel that way about him. Love was such a strong word. I was just a roommate. A fuck buddy. There was no need for anything more to be thrown around and to confuse the situation that we had.

We had opted for no attachments and no attachments it would be.

I was a woman true to my word.

I was.

Momma ain’t raise a backstabbing hoe!

When I had gotten home. The house was quiet, and I had ran straight up to my room to gather courage. Much needed courage.

And now here I was, opening his studio door that wasn’t locked.

Deep breaths Eloise. Calm, collected, reasonable.

I walked in and closed the door behind me.

Marcel looked up from his paints.

“I love you.” I yelled.

Jesus! What the hell! One job! One fucking Job!

I shook my head. “I mean I don’t! I don’t love you!” I corrected myself quickly. “I mean, it’s too early, it’s messy, I don’t think we should talk of love and things like that. I like being---I like being here. I like----this uh---this set up.” I felt a bit dizzy as I spewed nonsense out of my mouth. “I just----I just don’t think ----we----I mean---this is not----uhm----” I swallowed hard. “I don’t......love you....” I trailed off staring at my feet.

Have you ever wanted to bury a hole in the middle of the ground so that it could just swallow you and bring you to hell?

Marcel put his brush down and stood up from his stool. “Okay.” He said cocking his head to the side. “Got it.”

I dared to lift my head and stare at him. He didn’t look angry or sad or disappointed. “Okay?” I whispered back but my voice still cracked.

He nodded. “Yeah.” He gave me a calm smile.

Why was this acceptance even more painful. I opened my mouth and looked around the room in confusion. “So....so you...uh-----you uh----you don’t love me?” I questioned nervously.

He chuckled, his green eyes roaming my face. “Oh, I do.”

My heart stopped.

“But I see I scared you. So, you have every right to say what you just said.” Marcel explained.

“I’m not---I’m not----no---I'm ---” I swallowed hard. “I like you. I like you. I really like you a lot. I just---I----” I shook my head. Fuck, I couldn’t speak. What could I say?

Marcel’s smile was so reassuring that I almost melted. “Eloise seriously it’s okay. I’m always the first one to say I love you.” He shrugged. “Maybe I should learn to hold back a bit.”

“You---you’re always----always the first one?” I whispered, my heart aching.

Marcel chuckled. “Yeah...maybe it’s the guilty pleasure of seeing the person’s eyes light up.”

I didn’t know what to say as I just stared at him. How could a human being be this annoying yet perfect. Standing there in his paint stained baggy clothes, messy hair and teasing smirk. I don’t think I’d ever fallen so hard.

“Eloise, love, if you’re done telling me you don’t love me, I’m going to get back to work.” He teased.

God, I hated this man.

I don’t know what possessed me to walk over to him. I grabbed his shirt and crashed my lips against his. He stumbled back a bit.

I Eloise Perry Grady had managed to completely surprise Marcel.

But not for long. His arms were around my body as he kissed me back. Just as hungrily. Just as desperately.

I couldn’t say it. But I could show it. I could show it right?

I moaned into his mouth and stepped back. I had changed into a t-shirt and shorts and immediately pulled my t-shirt over my head.

Marcel licked his bottom lip as he followed suit, pulling off his shirt. The shirt barely dropped on the floor when I grabbed his face and kissed him again. Pressing my body against him. My hand immediately grabbing his dick. Stroking him to life as we kissed.

I loved to feel it harden in my hand. I sucked on his tongue as he grabbed my ass and squeezed it.

I released his mouth and dropped to my knees.

“Fuck Eloise....” Marcel panted as I yanked his pants down.

I nibbled and licked his abs, before taking him into my mouth. He was still growing, I knew he could get bigger.

Marcel grabbed my head and moaned loudly. “Fuck, I should have told you I love you sooner.”

I wanted him, I wanted all of him. And I wanted it now.

Marcel lifted my chin and pulled me up, kissing me as he pulled down my shorts.

I stumbled back and knocked over his paints. I gasped and released him, seeing the colors merge on the floor. “Fuck! I’m so sorry----”

“It’s okay.” He whispered turning me back to kiss him. “It’s just paint.”

We were once more in each other’s arms moving and groaning. Touching and caressing. Squeezing and pulling.

I had long forgotten about the paint until Marcel laid me on the floor. I felt the wetness on my back, but didn’t care. I was too busy grabbing his ass and accepting his dick plunging into me.

Marcel gasped as he hovered over me. His eyes taking me in. “Eloise, you don’t know----” He panted. “You don’t know how fucking sexy you look right now----how---” He moaned his hand sliding up my chest leaving a trail of pink and yellow hues. Marcel lifted my legs to his chest. I gasped as his dick dug even deeper.

“Fantasy.” He moaned, throwing his head back, rocking his hips.

“Wh--wh---what?” I couldn’t think as I rolled my head back and forth. My hips following his movements. My hands trailing over his naked body, leaving behind green and blue everywhere I touched.

Marcel gasped as he lifted my hips, giving me a couple strokes before closing the gap between our bodies. “Fantasy---this is a fantasy of mine...” He panted smacking his hips against mine.

We slid on the wet floor as he fucked me without restraint. I was a goner. Giving myself up to him completely. Nearing the end, I turned us around. Pressing him against the floor as I rode him. My hands on his chest. His hands on my ass, staring up at me with dilated pupils, mouth parted. I couldn’t stop moaning. Everywhere, everywhere in my entire body was in throes of passion,

I heard Marcel gasp as his fingers dug into my flesh. So beautiful, he was so beautiful cuming like that. He lifted his chin to the ceiling panting as I kept riding him. It was rare for him to cum before me. But I had held out. I wanted this to last and now it was my turn. I rubbed my clit against him as I let myself go.

“Fuck...fuck....” Marcel kept pumping as he wrapped his arms around me causing me to lay against him completely as my hips bucked. It was the exact pressure that I needed.

“Marc---Marcel....”I moaned his name and buried my face in his neck. Inhaling him as my orgasm overcame me. “I love you, I love you, I love you....”

I collapsed as he held me tighter. I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t want to breathe. I felt hot and completely spent. But I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay in his arms like this for the rest of my life.

But I knew I had just signed on the dotted lines.

Groaning I slowly lifted my body off his. He stared up at me lazily with a stupid grin on his face. “Damn girl, you can fuck.”

I laughed and climbed off him, allowing his now limp dick to slip out. “It be like that sometimes.” I whispered sitting my naked ass on a pile of yellow paint.

Marcel laid on his side, propped his head up and looked at me. “Fuck, I’m gonna paint you.” He put his hand out. “Just like this....” he shook his head and licked his bottom lip. “Oh God....so fucking beautiful.”

I smiled.

“The afterglow of sex mixed with colors.”

I giggled. “I hope these aren’t toxic.”

“If they were, it’s too late now.” He said getting up. He covered me again and kissed me thoroughly.

I turned my head and smiled. My eyes lifting towards the studio door. “Joseph!” I gasped.

Marcel smiled and sat next to me and looked up at the door. “Hey.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt.” Joseph replied calmly.

I held my breath. Guilt washing over me.

His blue eyes looked us over. “I got us Chinese. Whenever you two clean up.” He turned, not even looking at me and walked out.

I turned to Marcel who seemed to be oblivious to Joseph’s reaction. He was moving the paint on his thigh. “He seemed upset.” I whispered.

Marcel chuckled. “We got paint all over the floor. You know how he is.”

I shook my head. “No, like upset, upset----about----” I trailed off as Marcel watched me closely. I looked away and shot up. “God, I need to get cleaned up.” I picked up my thong, shorts and shirt. I hurridly put my shorts on as Marcel watched me. Not having moved an inch.

“Eloise, calm down. Joseph knows I love you. He loves you too.”

Oh my god, Marcel had no idea. No he really had no idea. I stared up at him. My fear must have shown on my face.

“What?” He asked putting his hands up. “We just had the best sex ever and you’re freaking----”

“I gotta go.” I cut him off pulling my shirt down. “God, I have to go...”

“Eloise?”

I shook my head and ran to the door.

“Eloise!”

I gasped as I ran up the stairs. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” I swallowed hard as I reached the top step and Joseph came out the bedroom.

“Hey.” I gave him a big shaky smile.

He didn’t return it. “I’m going to go for a run.” He looked me over. “Good thing the paint’s not toxic.” he turned and jogged down the stairs.

I felt warm tears forming as I shook my head. “Fuck, fuck, fuck....”

**

I wouldn’t come out of my room. I couldn’t come out of my room.

“Hey, are you okay? Look I think there was some misunderstanding, look Eloise can you please just open the door?” He whispered desperately as he turned the knob. “Please...Eloise open the door. Open.....Eloise open the fucking door!” He rattled the doorknob.

I heard him curse and stop. “Fuck. I’m sorry....what’s going on?”

I stared at the door unable to answer. I just couldn’t process anything right now. I was selfish. So fucking selfish.

But an hour and a half later, their fighting started and I was too nosy to stay locked in my room. I knew it was about me. I knew it. I opened the door and crawled out slowly.

“Why are you acting like this? Why the fuck are you acting like this?”

“I’m not acting like anything!”

“So why the fuck does she think you’re upset!” Marcel shouted. “What did you fucking tell her!”

I heard something clatter to the floor.

“It’s my fucking fault? Always my fucking fault!” Joseph yelled back. “You’re selfish Marcel! Fucking selfish!”

“What did you tell her?” Marcel asked again in a calmer voice.

“I didn't tell her any fucking thing!” Joseph replied. “If you’re so fucking worried about your precious Eloise and her fucking feelings then go fucking ask her! Go! She’s the only one that matters right! FUCKING GO!”

“I didn’t say that.” Marcel responded. “Why are you saying that? You know that’s not true.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have a fucking pussy for you.”

I quickly crawled back hearing the heavy steps coming towards the stairs. I rushed to my bedroom and closed the door soft. Just in time to see Joseph slam their bedroom door. I closed my door and locked it and sat on the floor.

“Fucking Eloise, you fucking screw-up.” I whispered burying my face into my hands.

I must have fallen asleep on the floor because the next thing I knew I was being picked up.

I gasped and put my hand up.

“It’s okay...it’s me.”

I stared at Marcel as he dropped me on the bed gently. “What are you doing-----how did you get in my room?” I whispered.

“I have a key.” He answered.

“That’s invasion of privacy.” I whispered looking away.

He sat down on my bed. “Eloise can you please talk to me. Both you and Joseph giving me the silent treatment feels like the 8th dimension of hell.”

I hugged myself. “I don’t want anything to change. I don’t want Joseph to hate me.”

Marcel sighed. “He’s just emotional. He's used to getting all the attention. He’ll come around.”

I lifted my eyes to him and shook my head. “You don’t get it.” I whispered. I took a deep breath and exhaled. “What happened with you guys and Lulu de la Plume?”

Marcel blinked in confusion. “What does Lulu have to do with---”

“What happened?” I asked him.

Marcel sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know, it was good and then it wasn’t...”

“Exactly.” I responded. “I don’t want it not to be good and I fucking ruined whatever because I fell for you and I'm not supposed to.”

“Well Eloise, being polyamorous----”

“You’re the only who is!” I shouted at him, tears streaming down my face. I gasped. “You’re the only one.” I whispered.

Marcel shook his head.

“I love Joseph but not to the extent you do. I thought I was getting there, but I’m so fucking in love with you Marcel and I don’t know how to spread it out to him. He doesn’t even want me to.” I put my hands out. “Joseph only, only loves you. He likes me. He tolerates me. But he LOVES YOU.” I climbed off the bed and went to the closet. Opening it up, I grabbed a duffle bag.

“What are you doing?” Marcel shot out of the bed.

“I’m going to go to Lady’s----”

“You can’t.” He cried out. “Eloise come on, it’s fine. We’ll get through this, it’s just a bump in the ----”

I shook my head. “I want to go to Lady’s. I don’t want to stay here.” I grabbed some clothes and shoved them in the duffle bag.

Marcel turned and left the room.

I lowered my head and cried. What the fuck had I gotten myself into. I grabbed the bag and stuffed some underwear inside.

“Tell her! Tell her!”

I turned around to Marcel shoving Joseph into my room.

“Tell her she can’t go to Lady’s.” Marcel insisted.

I lifted my eyes to Joseph who scanned my closet and duffle bag. His eyes finally landed on me. I saw the hurt and pain behind them.

“If she thinks it’s best----”

“Joseph....” Marcel’s voice cracked as he grabbed his arm.

I watched the two guys stare at each other silently.

I turned and picked up my socks and resumed.

“Lee, it’s ridiculous for you to go to Lady’s.”

I heard Marcel sigh.

I shook my head. “You don’t mean it. It’s fine.”

“Lee come on. ” He took a couple strides to me and yank my duffle bag out of my hand. “This is your room.”

My shoulders dropped and I cried, burying my face in my hands. “I haven’t even paid rent in 2 months!”

“Jesus, this girl’s unbelievable.” I heard Marcel whisper.

“And I---I----you hate me Joseph. You do----I didn’t hold up----I didn’t----” I couldn’t talk, cry and breathe at the same time. But it didn’t matter because I felt strong arms circle around me.

Joseph’s cologne.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry...” I whispered clinging on to him.

“I don’t hate you Lee. Far from it.” He whispered hugging me tighter. “Far from it.” He pressed his cheek against my head and held me for as long as I wanted.

**

We sat around the table quietly. Each of us nursing our wine glass.

Joseph sighed. “I’m sorry if you heard what I said in my anger.”

I nodded still staring at the table. “I don’t want to get in between you guys.” I whispered, looking back and forth at them. “I really don’t.” I shook my head. “At all.”

I took a deep breath.

Joseph also stared at the table.

I felt Marcel’s eyes on us. “Joseph, you told me you were okay with bringing Eloise into the relationship.”

I lifted my head to look at Marcel sitting at the other end of the table across from Joseph.

“To fuck.” Joseph admitted. He brought his wine glass to his mouth and took a big gulp. “Not to fall in love.” He lifted his eyes. “There...I said it....I didn’t think you would fall in love with Lee.”

I swallowed hard. “Well to be fair I did agree to just fucking-----”

“Eloise shut-up.” Marcel cut me off.

I clamped my mouth quickly in shock.

Marcel stared at Joseph pointedly. Both guys staring at each other. Neither talking.

“Don’t tell me to shut-up.” I whispered to try and speak into the silence.

To my surprise, Joseph was the first to lower his gaze. He turned to me. “That was rude of me Lee. I’m sorry.”

“You were just being honest.” I answered him.

Marcel hit the table. “She literally always sides with you! What more do you want!” He demanded. “She’s perfect!”

My mouth dropped open at Marcel’s words. He blinked as if confused at his outburst. Lord and behold he lowered his head and I just witnessed Marcel Remy Duchamp embarrassed for the first time.

I turned to Joseph who was also staring at Marcel.

I swallowed hard. “I think you two are perfect.” I croaked. Shoot my shot. Shoot it.

Joseph turned his sparkling blue gaze to me.

Marcel ran his hands through his hair and looked up at us. “Joseph please....can we just....can we try this?”

Joseph shifted his gaze back to Marcel. “And if I don’t want to?”

“I know you out of all people would NEVER ask me to choose.” Marcel whispered.

I held my breath.

“And if it doesn’t work?” Joseph asked emotionally. “And if it turns into a big clusterfuck?”

“I think it can work.” I piped in. Both guys turned to me. I shrugged and nibbled on my bottom lip. “I like being shared between you guys.”

Marcel’s mouth dropped. He motioned to me speechlessly as he stared at Joseph. “I’m.....”He panted. “So fucking in love.”

If my eyes could have bulged out of my face like in the cartoons, it would have as I stared at Marcel.

“That was really sexy, I can’t deny.” Joseph whispered. He lifted his eyes to me.

I held my breath.

He sighed. “Well you two don’t even need me----”

“No!” I yelled. “NO!” I stood up abruptly and turned to Joseph. “We’re not doing this without you! No pity party! No acting the victim! We are all in or nothing.”

Marcel moaned. “Fuck Joseph....please....do you see this?”

I crossed my arms. Marcel’s breathless encouraging words was seriously building me up. “Joseph Brighton Segovia. I know I’m madly in love with your boyfriend, but if you give me a chance, I’ll also be madly in love with you.”

Joseph tapped his fingers on the table. He stared at me and then at Marcel. He turned back to me. “I don’t know-----”

“Joseph....” I ran to him and jumped in his lap, much to his surprise. “We can do this.” I cupped his face and kissed him hard. “We can! It’s gonna be great! Please.” I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. “You can’t leave me in this relationship alone with Marcel, he’ll drive me nuts. We can’t do this without you.”

I saw his eyes lit up.

“You’re the glue. You’re everything. There's hell if there isn’t Joseph.” I kissed him all over his face. “Let me love you, lt me love you , let me love you.”

Joseph chuckled adorably as he kissed me back. The first genuine smile I’d see on his face. “Okay, okay....we can try it out....”

I squealed and kissed him hard. “We’re gonna be great together.”

“You’re seriously something else Lee.” Joseph whispered.

I smiled at him.

“You know this entire conversation made me really really hard loves.”

I turned my head and gasped at Marcel who was standing with his pants down, his dick just inches from our face.

He stroked himself as he took a step closer. “How about we seal the deal?” he whispered huskily, stroking his dick by our mouths.

Joseph and I looked at each other.

I giggled and he smirked.

I grabbed Marcel’s thigh and wrapped my tongue around his glistening head, while I felt Joseph’s head below mine. His lips kissing Marcel’s balls.

I looked up at the handsome French guy with those electric green eyes. He was staring right at me. ‘I love you.’ He mouthed.

I concurred by swallowing him.