Joseph cut the strawberries in halfway and poured it into the blender. He reached into the mason jar and scooped out some chia seeds to top it off.

“Milk.” He snapped his finger, having almost forgotten. He turned and opened the fridge. He reached for the cashew milk and then hesitated and reached for the almond milk. He knew Lee preferred the smoothies with the almond milk. Maybe she was on to something. He didn’t really taste the difference. He poured a cup and a half of almond milk in the blender and topped it off, turning it on. He looked at his watch.

Marcel would be getting up soon and Lee 10 minutes or so after him.

This time before they both got up was his quiet time. He went for a run, checked his email and got things started for the day before the two others woke up.

On days where Marcel spent the night in Lee’s room, like today, Joseph found himself getting up earlier. The warmth of Marcel’s sleeping body didn’t keep him in bed for the extra 5 or 10 minutes on those days.

Joseph turned and poured Marcel’s coffee in his mug. It smelled delicious, but he was not much of a coffee drinker. He preferred to smell it. He put away the almond milk because he knew Marcel took his coffee black. No cream, no sugar. Crazy kid was what he was. But it wasn’t just coffee. Marcel didn’t particularly like sweet things besides cocktails. He could down a couple sweet cocktails but would never be seen eating candy or chewing gum.

“High fructose syrup should only go along with liquor. Makes it easier to digest.” He would joke teasingly.

Joseph would roll his eyes and Marcel would laugh, that adorable mocking laugh of his

Joseph smiled as he wiped the counter. Lee and him had finished an entire cheesecake last week much to Marcel’s disgust.

“Morning.”

Joseph felt warm arms around his waist. He smiled and turned his head. Marcel had just rolled out of bed. Looking absolutely delectable. Those soft lips were upon his in a morning greeting. Marcel pulled back slightly and cupped Joseph’s face. “You okay?”

Joseph chuckled. “Are you going to ask that every three days?”

Marcel looked him over and then brought his head down and kissed him again.

Joseph’s eyes closed and he smiled. Marcel did something to him. Created this soft calmness yet made his body come alive.

“Yes.” Marcel moved his head and kissed his cheek loudly. He released Joseph and grabbed his cup of coffee and practically moaned as he inhaled the scent. He brought it to his lips and just paused, eyes closed for a minute before finally taking a sip.

Joseph chuckled and shook his head. This boy and his coffee. He turned and cut off the blender. Grabbing a glass and serving himself, leaving half for Lee.

“You’re the best coffeemaker.” Marcel mumbled in appreciation.

Joseph smiled. Such simple words. But they were sincere and they made his heart bigger.

“Wanna grab lunch today?”

Joseph nodded as he brought the smoothie to his lips. Marcel had lunch with Lee yesterday. The day before that Joseph and Lee had met up at the sandwich spot for a last minute lunch because he was near the hotel.

The lunch had been like meeting with a best friend. Or meeting with an ex-lover that you still got along with. Lee was sweet. Lee was beautiful. Lee was nice. She was nice indeed. She was quieter he noticed. But she had stopped lying to herself and to him that this was more. Joseph was grateful.

It felt good. It felt so good that he didn’t mind letting his guard down a little. She wasn’t forcing it anymore. For the past couple months he knew she’d been forcing it, hell he had too, but it felt good not to. For the first time in a while it really felt good.

Joseph had tons of friends. His bandmates, his colleagues. But he didn’t have friends, friends. People who really knew him and stuck around, no, not like Marcel. Nobody was like Marcel.

Marcel didn’t demand anything of him. Marcel who knew everything about him. Everything that another human being besides himself could know, still held him. Still cuddled him and kissed him. Whispered sweet words in his ear knowing that Joseph needed to hear it.

Marcel who knew how to talk to him softly, how to touch him and calm him down after his anxiety attacks. Attacks that appeared unannounced, attacks that are often triggered by just a single word, a look or an irrational fear of not being wanted. He’d always been good at hiding them, talking through them. But Marcel saw through them. He always did. And his touches were softer, his kisses lingered.

Joseph hated himself for being so vulnerable. Passiveness worked. It worked a lot towards most people. But when you had a boyfriend whose very character was passive, it didn’t have any affect.

Joseph could see the affect was wearing off on Lee. Had Marcel told her? Did she know? No, of course not, that was their secret. He wouldn’t share something like that with anybody. Joseph had sworn him to keep it to themselves. He'd made the mistake of telling somebody else before and that had backfired badly.

“What triggers it?”

Joseph shrugged. “It could be anything....just anything.” Joseph chuckled softly. “I’ve had it since I was a kid.”

Her hazel eyes roamed his face. “You poor thing.”

“Well besides being a narcissist, anything else I should know about my girlfriend?” His blue eyes twinkled as he poured her coffee.

Lulu smirked and stuck her middle finger up at him. “I’m not a narcissist Joseph. I’m just the best.” She winked. “You can learn a thing or two from me you big softie.”

“You remind me of my sisters.” Joseph mumbled.

“You two ready?” Marcel asked making his way downstairs.

Blinking away the memory, Joseph put down his empty glass and turned to Marcel. “Okay, I’ll see you later for lunch.” He took a step forward and kissed him softly.

“I love you.” Marcel slapped his ass teasingly.

Joseph grinned. Marcel was never afraid to say those words. He remembered the first time. He’d ever heard those words. He’d felt it for a long time, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. In a relationship where you’re the added member, when do you admit to deeper feelings?

“Are you falling in love with my boyfriend?” Lulu whipped her head to Joseph.

Joseph scoffed. “Wh--what----no---I---I---”

“Look, Marcel’s great, I know.” Lulu smiled gently as she took Joseph’s hand. “But you’re only in this because he occasionally likes a dick up his ass.” She threw her head back and laughed. “I’m just joking---I’m joking, you know I’m joking right Jojo.” she leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck, bending her head and kissing him.

Joseph held her as he kissed her back. He liked kissing her. Lulu was a great kisser. Besides he couldn’t deny he was crazily attracted to her. She was down for everything and anything. But sometimes her words just------stung just a little.

But that’s how she was. Joseph knew that.

But the next day, Marcel had surprised him for lunch on the boardwalk. It had been over fries when those green eyes of his landed on him teasingly. “Do you love me?”

Joseph looked up from his blt sandwich in shock. “Wha---what?”

Marcel grinned and munched on his potato. “Because I love you. You know that right?” He leaned over the table of the very full patio and in front of everybody kissed the stunned blond.

“You told him you love him!”

“Why the hell are you screaming Lulu?”

“It’s been 3 months!” She accused. “You didn’t tell me you loved me until almost 10 months!”

“Why are you comparing that? One has nothing to do----”

“You don’t care, you don’t fucking care about me!”

Joseph took a step back and ran his hand through his hair nervously. She was upset. He rubbed his neck, feeling the pressure rise in his stomach.

Jospeh put his guitar in the backseat and climbed in his car. He stared in confusion at the folded note on his dashboard. Somebody had gotten into his car last night? He picked up the note and opened it.

-Good luck today handsome. Remember if his hair is greasy don’t hire him. Nobody likes a greasy hair drummer. Can't wait for the benefit show next week. Whoo Rockstar!

Joseph chuckled in surprise and read the note again. Lee was stupid. He laughed and folded the note carefully and put it on the visor. She was so stupid and funny. He pulled out of the driveway with a big smile on his face. He was not going to pick a greasy hair drummer.

**

“Fuck, fuck....yes....yes.....yes....Fuck....” He moaned as his cum coated his abs.

“Joseph, baby...” Marcel groaned as he held Joseph’s hips as he rolled his hips a couple more times.

Joseph’s mouth slanted in pleasure as his hands touched the bed for support, his ass slowly moving as he rode Marcel’s orgasm. Finally he lifted himself, not caring the cum dripped down his ass cheeks and turned to face Marcel sprawled on the bed exhausted.

He plopped down next to him. Marcel’s arm immediately pulling him closer. His fingers lazily playing in his golden hair.

“You know what I’ve noticed love?” Marcel whispered.

Joseph smiled, his face glowing as he lifted his head and rested his chin on Marcel’s chest. “What?”

“You haven’t had an anxiety attack in 3 weeks.” Marcel smoothed his thumb over Joseph’s eyebrow. “Are you happy?”

Joseph smiled and bent his head and kissed Marcel’s nipple. “I’m happy because you’re happy.”

Marcel looked Joseph over and ran his hand over the smooth angular face. He shook his head. “You and Eloise are two peas in a pod.” He whispered somberly. Marcel moved aside and slowly sat up.

“What?” Joseph grabbed his arm.

Marcel shook his head and smiled sadly at him. “Let’s go get cleaned up and change the sheets okay----”

“What?” Joseph asked again, turning Marcel’s face towards him more. His blue eyes searched those green orbs before him. “Marcel.”

“I’m going to tell the same thing I told Eloise last night.” Marcel spoke softly. “I love you both too much to be the only person to gain anything from this. You both keep saying it’s fine...but----”

“Is that why you ask almost everyday if I’m okay?” Joseph cut him off. “I’m guessing you keep asking Eloise also. Stop it. We're fine. Eloise and I are good were we are.” Joseph smiled. “Trust me-----”

They both whipped their head to the loud crash.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” the voice shouted.

Both guys stared at each other.

“Owww....fuck....” they heard small whimpers.

Both guys scrambled off the bed. Marcel grabbing his boxers and Joseph quickly wiped the cum with his shirt and yanked on his swim trunks since those were the closest things at hand.

“Eloise!”

“Lee!”

They rushed out of their room quickly to the room across from them.

Marcel turned the knob but the door was locked. “Eloise!” He knocked on the door.

Lee had started locking her door now and Joseph wondered why.

They heard a soft curse followed by what felt like a stiffled cry. “I’m okay guys.” Joseph heard her soft chuckle behind the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.......and get a new mirror.”

“Lee, can you open the door?” Joseph asked. There was pain in her voice. What happened? It was almost 1 in the morning. What had happened between her and the mirror?

“Uhm....guys really it’s okay. I didn’t mean to wake y’all----”

“Eloise open the door.” Marcel demanded seriously.

Joseph turned to look at the worry etched on Marcel’s face as he tried the doorknob again.

There were a couple seconds of silence before they heard the door unlock. Joseph watched Lee poke her head out. Her hair was wrapped in her scarf, her face freshly washed and glowing. She offered them a sheepish smile as she hid behind the door. “Uh guys...it looks worse than it actually----”

Marcel pushed the door open and he and Joseph walked in cautiously. Her full length mirror was completely shattered on her bedroom floor. Broken glass everywhere.

“I was trying to hang it up like I saw on pintrest---” she pointed to the golden ropes laying by her vanity.

Joseph cocked his head to the side noticing she was still using the door as a shield. He took her hand and slowly pulled her forward, his eyes trailing down to the pool of blood running down her upper thigh.

“It’s okay, it didn’t touch the flesh. I swear it’s just a surface----guys stop looking at me like that.”

“Are you insane?” Marcel whispered.

“Lee what the fuck?”

“Guy’s I'm serious, I just need a bandaid.”

“Oh my God.”

“I’m getting the car.”

“We’re taking you to the emergency room.” Joseph insisted grabbing her hand.

“No, I don’t have emergency room money----”

“Eloise oh my.....”

“Marcel just get the car you’re getting worked up.” Joseph ordered.

“Emergency room money....” Marcel scoffed. “Your leg is literally detached.”

“Wow dramatic much!” Lee whispered intensely, panic filling her eyes.

“Lee get your shoes.” Joseph pulled her but she tried to yank back.

“No,no,no please, I don’t like hospitals.” Lee begged.

Marcel shook his head. “I’m getting us clothes and getting the car ready, put your shoes on.” He left the bedroom angrily.

Lee turned to Joseph. “Joe he’s getting worked up----”

Joseph shook his head. “Hospital.” He insisted. “Where are your shoes?”

He saw her entire face fell. “It’s just a scratch!”

It was a scratch that required 5 stitches.

Joseph was used to hospitals. He talked to the doctors and got everything worked out as Marcel held her hand. They went back home and that night Marcel wanted to sleep in her bed.

Joseph understood. He felt the pressure build inside his throat, but then he remembered.

“I think Joseph’s feeling a little stressed about Kory running out on them before the benefit concert.” Lee ran her fingers through Marcel’s hair.

“Yeah?” Marcel asked softly as he watched her.

They were sitting next to each other at the dining room table. A set of cards between them. They must have been playing a game and still hadn’t heard Joseph enter the house.

Lee nodded. “He needs a cuddle session.”

Marcel chuckled softly and pinched her nose.

Joseph had taken a step back. He was stressed. His hands were shaking from making all those stupid fucking phone calls. But how had Lee known? He’d only said it once three days ago that Kory hadn’t shown up. How had she known about the benefit concert?

Immediately the pressure lowered in Joseph’s throat. Marcel needed to comfort Lee right now. He smiled. Maybe he could make her something extra nice tomorrow morning and bring it to her room before he went to work.

**

They had another impromptu lunch date.

Joseph had hesitated to call her. Only because he thought she might already have plans. Or maybe she would be disappointed that it wasn’t Marcel.

“Joe can I just say something?”

Joseph chuckled as he refilled their mimosas.

“I like having you around too. Like you know....what you told me last month? I like you a lot too. Like I know, like I understand what you meant and I get it---I get it....i just wanted to say ditto.”

Joseph chuckled and they toasted. “Ditto.”

When he called she answered excitedly like she always did. “Hey Joe!”

Lately she’d been calling him that and it felt....different. Like she was addressing him for him. Everybody knew nicknames were affectionate, except for Marcel. If Marcel ever called you by a given nickname it was over for you. It meant he didn’t think anything of you. But Lee, Lee had called him Joseph from the beginning.

Joseph had wandered if it had been because Marcel called him Joseph. But now it didn’t seem to matter to her. She called him Joe. Not because of Marcel, but because she wanted to. Joe. Because Joseph was for Marcel. Joe...Joe was for Lee.

“Hey have you eaten?”

“Are you around? No I haven’t. Wanna grab a bite! I’m starving, Oh my God, you’re going to flip your shit when I tell you what happened at the front desk today.”

He’d laughed and they arranged a meeting spot in 10 minutes.

Lee was animated when she told stories. Her eyes lit up and she did the most horrible of impressions, but it made her stories all the more interesting. He liked listening to her. He did. besides she listened to his stories completely.

Marcel gave you about 5 minutes and then he asked you to wrap up or get to the end question. His mind was already going elsewhere. Lee egged you on. “Tell me more.” she’ll whisper mischievously.

Joseph would smile and indulge her.

Sometimes he would watch her. The crinkle in her eyes. The tilt of her lips. The way she kissed Marcel. Her hugs. He wasn’t immune. Not at all. He will admit he was mostly attracted to guys, always had been. But some girls took his breath away. Lulu was one of those girls whose beauty and lust for her had knocked him over like a ton of bricks.

But Lulu was the type of girl who had that reaction on everybody. She was magnetic, charming. In the beginning, Joseph had been hooked on her just as much as Marcel. Which is why everything she said and did...hit him a little more.

He tried to stop but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop comparing Lee to Lulu. He wondered sometimes if Marcel did the same, but he saw that he didn’t.

He didn’t know how Marcel did it. How he was able to so easily detach himself from Lulu. How he was perfectly able to focus on Lee for....Lee.

“Doesn’t Lee remind you of Lulu?”

Marcel looked up from his book. “No.” He answered plainly. “Not at all. Lee is nothing like Lulu.” And that was all he said as he went back to his book.

Joseph had regretted asking but he continued on his laptop. He wanted to tell him, he was blocked. That he liked Lee a lot but....there were parts of her....no, he was right. Lee was not Lulu. She wasn’t. Yet he couldn’t let it go. It still lingered.

Because if Lee wanted to. If she truly wanted to. She could be Lulu. All the way through. She was just as charming and magnetic, yet she used it differently once could say. She knew she was gorgeous, they commented on it playfully, but Joseph noticed she never took it that extra step Lulu always had. So why couldn’t he let that go?

“I love you Joseph.” Lulu whispered in his ear. Her fingers trailing down his bare chest. Her hazel eyes locking with his baby blues. She climbed on top of him. Her lace thong rubbed against his briefs. He felt himself stir as he ran his hand up her thighs. “My sweet, sweet Joseph.” She murmured. “We understand each other don’t we.” Her hands slid down his abs and he closed his eyes in anticipation as to their destination. “You have such a nice dick.” she purred.

He was already hard when she took him in her hands. Those dainty soft fingers jerking him softly. He opened his eyes, feeling his pulse race.

“Marcel doesn’t understand but I do....you know I do...” Lulu ran her tongue over those pouty pink lips of her. “Marcel doesn’t understand daddy issues.” she whispered as she lowered her head. “But I love you more than your daddy ever could Joseph.” She swallowed him and whatever she needed from him, he would give.

Was it because they had now known each other for 10 months? Was it because he was working so hard to let go of Lulu, that Lee was seeping through his thoughts.

He knew her favorite food, color, show. He wanted her to keep laughing and smiling with him. He wanted her to keep talking with him endlessly. But he wanted the lingering touches that she left on Marcel’s body. Sometimes he wanted to kiss her. To hold her. 2 months since they’d done anything sexual together. Two months and he wanted sometimes to sink himself inside her.

But this was good how they were. He couldn’t let his lust overpower him. Besides Lee hadn’t made a move on him in two months. They'd been honest that Marcel was who they both wanted. But sometimes they sat together and laughed and their eyes locked. Sometimes he ran his hands down her back and she loved it. Sometimes she looked at him like she wanted more. But maybe it was his own mind clouding reality.

“What do you want from me Joseph?” She’d asked him two months ago.

“I don’t know.” He’d replied. But he should have said for you to see me and for me not to see Lulu in you.

But lately Lee’s eyes lingered and Joseph’s mind wandered. Her smiles held and his fingers tingled.

No, he didn’t mind her being with them at all. He liked Lee. Lee was nice. Lee like Marcel never demanded anything from him.

He wanted to believe truly in what Marcel thought of love and affection. And for a moment when things were good, and when Lulu loved him, He believed it. He believed it would work. That people were capable of loving more than one person. It might not be the same way of loving, but it was just as strong. But people changed, things changed. Feelings changed. While he felt him and Marcel grew even closer, Lulu became more aggressive, her words stinging. Her jealousy spilling over to him, Infecting him, poisoning his ideas, his thoughts. Running through his veins.

“One day we’ll wake up and we’ll be done with you.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“He loves me more!”

“What do you want! What do you fucking want?”

“You’re never going to be fully loved----”

His words, his words being shot back at him. But Joseph hadn’t survived his father’s words, to only be shot down by a girl he thought he loved. A girl whose insecurities ran as deep as his.

“Lulu your fucking mother abandoned you----what do you know about fully loved?” He whispered venomously.

Lulu had stumbled back drunkenly.

Joseph took a couple step back. She wasn’t his sister. She wasn’t his dad. He loved her. Apologize. She’d hurt him but, not like this. He’d promised himself, this wasn’t how he wanted to continue. “I’m sorry....I’m sorry that was----”

“True.” Lulu shrugged with a smile. “But now we both know how you truly feel right?” Her hazel eyes flashed as her smile twisted into a smirk. She looked him over and turned and walked away.

He wanted to call her back. Tell her it wasn’t true. That wasn’t how he felt. She'd cornered him. But the look in her eyes said it all. The match had been lit.

Lee got angry and she shouted back now. But her words were never direct stings. But he waited, cause one day they would be. One day she’ll remember what he had told her on the beach. One day she’ll realize she’d caught Joseph in a moment of weakness. But he kept waiting but she never did.

And the longer he waited, the stupider he felt.

He saw in Marcel’s eyes, the way his gaze lingered on Lee. The affection behind his teasing words. Marcel loved Lee. He loved her deeply without a doubt.

But Joseph had tried his way before. It had hurt too much. But Lee was not Lulu, Lee was not Lulu, Lee was not Lulu....

He watched her as she chuckled to herself, watching something on her laptop. Probably the cat videos that they both loved so much.

Her head turned, and maybe it was him but her eyes lit up. “Joe! Hey come see this cute lil kitty.”

Joseph smiled as he walked over and settled next to her on the couch. She shared the laptop and he chuckled as the kitty ran jumped in fright.

But he smelled her new pepperment shampoo. He remembered the feel of her lips. Lee turned and smiled at him.

Their eyes locked momentarily.

Kiss her.

Lee looked away almost shyly. “So I heard somebody’s birthday is around the corner.”

Joseph chuckled. “Marcel doesn’t really remember birthdays so I kind of forget also.”

She turned to him excitedly. “What do you usually do?”

Joseph shrugged. “Dinner and then wild crazy sex.”

Lee laughed mischeviously. “Dinner and wild crazy sex, sounds just like the boring thing Marcel loves. You want a party?”

Yes. Joseph shook his head. “Naw....too much work planning it and it’s the benefit concert the day before. It’ll be insane.” He put his hand out. “Something calm and simple.”

Lee stuck her tongue out and he laughed. He wanted to kiss her. He looked down. “And your birthday is in a month and a half.”

Her eyes widened. “Hey, I thought you said you didn’t remember birthdays.”

Joseph chuckled. “It’s because a week after that will be your one year anniversary with us.”

Her mouth dropped. “A year?” she whispered.

Joseph nodded.

She cocked her head to the side. “I put up with your ass for an entire year?” she teased, her mouth resisting pulling into a smile.

“Hey, I shared my boyfriend for almost a year.” He countered, watching her reaction.

“Oh yeah like you didn’t have your fun too.” she pursed her lips.

There it was. She remembered too. She remembered when they’d been together. They held each other’s eyes. Did she miss it? Did she think of it? Probably not. She was already satisfied.

He watched her inhale softly. “I was just play----”

“I did.” He cut her off. “I had my share of fun.”

Lee’s eyes trailed down to his lips and he felt himself stir. Did she know she did that? He returned the favor. Her lips parted.

He wanted to kiss her.

But Lee was in love with Marcel. They weren’t sugarcoating things anymore. They were just friends her and Joseph. They worked better that way. So why couldn’t he stop thinking of touching and kissing every part of her like he’d done?

Lee looked away and smiled shyly. “Yeah...” she cleared her throat. “Look...” she pointed to her screen and laughed.

Joseph looked at her screen and smiled. But his gaze trailed up to catch her watching him. She looked away sheepishly.

Did she want him? Him? Truly him?

He blinked and looked down. He should go. He was aroused and she hadn’t even touched him.

“I’m going to----”

“I should---”

They spoke at the same time and stopped.

Joseph felt his heart race. Lee is not Lulu. Lee is looking at you as if she wants--- He cupped her neck and pulled her to him. His lips landing softly on hers. Cautiously even.

He was surprised when she moaned into the kiss and opened her own mouth. Joseph kissed her and felt his hunger grow.

When was the last time he’d kissed Lee. Why had he ever stopped? How could he have missed this so much? Her hands roaming up his chest, over his arms, bringing him closer. She kissed him like she wanted him. Just as much as he wanted her.

He slowly brought her down on the couch, the laptop on her lap sliding to the floor. The crash broke them apart.

“I’m sorry.” Joseph pulled back and quickly grabbed the Macbook air.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Lee panted sitting up. She bit down on her bottom lip.

Joseph placed the laptop on the table. What are you doing? Poly doesn’t work remember. Let Lee and Marcel do their thing and you and Marcel do your thing. It’s lust, only lust. “I’m gonna head----uhm---upstairs, gotta finish----”

“Yeah, yeah...” she agreed, nodding rapidly. “Yes of course and uhm....yes...”

They smiled at each other and Joseph almost rushed out the living room. He'd been in such a hurry to get off the sofa, he’d almost crashed into Marcel.

“Hey.” Marcel said brightly. His green eyes shining as he looked at Joseph. “Didn’t uhm----see you come in.” A small smile played at his lips.

“I’m gonna go upstairs and shower.” Joseph replied. He brought his lips down and kissed Marcel, noticing after the kiss, his boyfriend’s eyes drifting down to the erection he was trying to suppress.

Their eyes met. Marcel in amusement. But Marcel said nothing, he simply patted his ass and moved to let him pass.

I know what you want to say. Joseph thought. I know, but you let go of her so easily. You say Lee does not remind you of Lulu. She reminds me so much it’s scary. Because like Lulu, Lee makes it so easy to fall. Look at you love, you’re already a goner.

Joseph rushed upstairs. The pressure filled his throat as he took a shower. Taking deep breaths to calm down. Seeing that look of hope in Marcel’s eyes. Feeling the need behind Lee’s kisses. He sighed as he tried to count down. Lee is not Lulu.

“Marcel will do whatever the fuck I want because he loves me.” Lulu promised. “He loved me first and he’ll love me last. You’re fucking scared to be alone Joseph. Don’t fucking try me.”

“What’s going on?” Marcel walked cautiously into the kitchen.

Joseph and Lulu turned to him. Lulu more surprised than Joseph to see him back so early. But Joseph knew, he’d sent him a text. He’d timed it. He knew how and when to push Lulu’s buttons. He hated her. He hated her with every fiber of his being, but just like his dad he still wanted her love. But he wasn’t going to get it. So he was going to take away the one thing she wanted.

“Marcel....”

Marcel shook his head. “Why the fuck are you telling him that?” His voice cracked emotionally as he stared at Lulu in shock.

Lee is not Lulu. Joseph turned off the water and climbed out the shower. He ran his hand over the foggy window and stared at his damp face.

“Marcel, I’m sorry about----”

“No don’t be.” Marcel cut him off and cupped his face. His green eyes were red. He'd been crying. Joseph had put those tears there.

Joseph moved away. “I wanted you to-----I planned....” He swallowed painfully. “I’m no better than her.” His voice trembled.

Marcel stuffed his hands in his pocket. “I figured you planned it. The text. The timing. But you weren’t the one to ask me to choose.”

Joseph lowered his head.

“If you want to break up... this feels like shit-----”

“I would never ask you to choose.” Joseph lifted his head as he stared deeply at Marcel. “Never. Because I believe in that. I know it’s possible. I love you. I love you so much.”

Joseph wiped the foggy mirror again. Marcel had left him. But two weeks later, he’d came knocking on Joseph’s apartment he was renting from an old couple.

“Marcel....” He’d whispered in shock. His heart racing. The pain of losing him washing over him. The relief of seeing a face he never thought he’d see again.

“Did you mean it?” Marcel asked simply, his hands in his pocket. His green eyes now looking hazel.

“Yes.” Joseph gasped and kissed him hard. He would say anything to love him. Anything. Marcel’s kisses were just as desperate as he let Joseph pull him inside the apartment.

Joseph combed his hair back. Marcel’s poly views didn’t seem so farfetched now. Everyday it got harder and harder to see Lee as Marcel’s only. And everyday his need grew. To get her to look at him longer. Not like she looked at Marcel. Just look at him and keep it. Kiss him like she had on the couch. Was he an entire fool?

**

He was. Joseph was an entire fool, because she blindsided him.

She blindsided him by planning a surprise party that he in no way shape or form suspected. She blindsided him, because he thought he and Marcel were dressing up to go to the restaurant downtown.

“I’m sorry I can’t come to your birthday dinner.” She pouted.

He was hurt. He’d wanted her there. It had surprised him how much her not being there was a shot through the heart. He was going to have several glasses. They were going to be happy and giggling. Then he will suggest that maybe a threesome would be a nice way to end the night. But she couldn’t make it. She'd double booked.

“Don’t hate me.” She groaned. “How could I forget that it was today. Seriously after the benefit concert.”

Joseph chuckled as he adjusted his tie. “No worries, obviously things are more important----”

“You’re hurt.” she whispered grabbing his arm.

Joseph looked up in surprise. The lie about to roll off his tongue.

But her look was so warm. Her touch caused his body to heat up. He looked at her and the comment of her forgetful memory disappeared.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” She’d whispered. And with Marcel adjusting his bowtie. She'd kissed his lips gently. She'd kissed him and pulled away. Joseph had wanted to kiss her again. He'd wanted to ask her to cancel.

“Well I’ll hold you to that Lee.”

Marcel turned his back to them.

“Happy Birthday Joseph, Enjoy your dinner.” she smiled and kissed him softly once more. Joseph pressed his lips against hers harder and he knew she was surprise. Because she’d pulled back, lips parted. But it was his birthday and he was feeling bold and he’d already had a glass of champagne.

She’d left to go join Lady on their trip to the other island. Marcel was going extra slow. Joseph didn’t think twice of it because Marcel barely rushed for anything.

And then they turned and pulled up to the restaurant.

“Marcel we’re late for the reservation. You know this place fills up fast.” Joseph fixed his coat and groaned as Marcel lazily handed the keys over.

Marcel’s arms came around his waist and he kissed Joseph. “Relax, birthday boy.”

Joseph smiled but tried to stay angry. “I better get my panna cotta.” He threatened as the doors were pulled open for them.

“SURPRISE!”

He almost had a heartattack. The usually full restaurant was less than halfway full with only familiar faces. And there in the center, a bottle of champagne in hand that had popped as she waved it around, foam spilling out endlessly.

Her beauty, her smile, the wink she gave him.

“Are you surprised?” She asked expectantly.

And Joseph hadn’t realized how deeply he’d fallen until he speechless nodded at her.

The crowd cheered as people rushed to him.

“Happy Birthday!”

Lee. Oh my God Lee.

All the hugs. All the kisses. The laughing. But it was pulling her into his arms. Hugging her.

“I’m going to kill you.” He whispered emotionally with tears in his eyes.

Lee laughed and pulled back. “Come on. Marcel would die for a private dinner and wild sex. That’s not you.”

And all he could do to stop from crying was to hug her again. His heart racing as he squeezed his eyes. I love you. I love you. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for being so insecure. Lee, I truly think I love you. He inhaled her scent as much as he could until somebody else pulled him in for a hug. But not before his eyes met Marcel’s. He was watching them, hands in his pocket with a such a soft genuine smile on his lips.

His tears could not be contained. And people laughed and cried along with him, thinking it was because of the surprise.

No. No, that’s not why.

**

“Maybe.....maybe we should think about this...”

“We’re drunk...”

“Oh...God...”

“It’s my birthday...”

“Eloise....jesus....”

“Fuck....”

“Oh...oh... Joe....please.....”

“Fuck...fuck...”

“God...yes....yes....”

“Lee.....oh.....Lee....”

“Fuck...fuck.....ohhh....”

“Joseph harder....Eloise....fuck...that mouth...”

“More....more....”

“Lee, say my name please......”

“Joe.....”

“Yes....Marcel....yes....”

“Oh, God!......”

**

Joseph’s eyes fluttered open, taking in the sun that was invading their bedroom. He turned his head seeing, Marcel’s slightly parted mouth, his soft breathing. He smiled. And on Joseph’s chest, a pressure. He tilted his head down. Lee’s head, her body wrapped against him. He didn’t want to distrub them. He smiled and closed his eyes again.

This was so nice.

And so it went. For a week, they didn’t bring up the birthday night. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It just hung there. There were looks especially from Marcel. But he didn’t say a thing. Not a single word. Joseph wanted him to. To suggest it, to bring it up, to ask for another round. But Marcel slept in Lee’s room on Monday and then Joseph’s on Tuesday and Wednesday.

On Thursday as they watched the movie. Joseph knew Marcel’s fingers were inside Lee, under the cover, the way she was biting down on her lip. Her soft breathing. But she moaned and Marcel smirked as he stared at the screen.

Joseph pretended not to hear, but his dick was hard. He lifted his eyes and it met Lee’s. She was watching him. Her eyes are what caused him to press down on his sweatpants, her eyes followed.

Marcel groaned and stood up, his erection created a more than obvious tent in those linen shorts he wore. Joseph watched as he brought clearly wet fingers to his mouth.

“Eloise....” He moaned, making his way to the hallway.

Joseph grabbed himself tighter.

Lee jumped off the couch and took two steps. She stopped and turned to Joseph timidly. “Joe...”

He didn’t remember ever moving so fast as he took her outstretched hand.

Their bliss lasted for another week and a half. What a honeymoon it was indeed. Joseph wanted to tell Lee something. He needed to tell her. He needed to talk to her. He had to. He had to tell her about Lulu. he needed her to listen. And if she accepted him, thank God. If she didn’t. He understood. He understood. He built up the courage. Mini anxiety attacks wreaked with his brain.

But Lee came to dinner and sat down quieter than usual.

“You okay?” Joseph asked as he passed the salad.

Lee tried to smile at them but failed. Tears filling the corner of her eyes. “I need to go home.” She whispered.

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay.”

Lee nodded and tried to chuckle. “Yeah, yeah....uhm...my dad just fell down the stairs and my mom is just tired...and apparently it doesn’t look too good.”

Joseph reached out and took her hand. “Do you want us to come with you?”

Marcel lifted his eyes to him. A small smile tugging at his lips.

He knew. Marcel knew how he felt. But Lee stared at him in surprise and smiled. She put her hand over his. “No it’s okay. I just need to check on him.”

“Want me to get you a roundtrip first class ticket?”

Lee turned to Marcel. “Uhm, do you think I’ll ever say no?”

They all laughed but Joseph kept holding her hand. It was so warm. He squeezed it and she turned to smile at him. He’ll tell her when she comes back. He’ll tell her. It gives him more time to get his words together.

Lee chuckled. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m sure it’s fine. I just....haven’t been home in a bit of time. And hearing that....dad was hurt....” she shook her head. “I’m not the best daughter.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Joseph didn’t realize he hadn’t released her hand.

“Eloise you’re a horrible ass daughter.” Marcel joked.

Lee reached out and hit him and he grinned. But Marcel stood up and made his way to her seat. He kissed her cheek. “Hey, dad’s gonna be fine. Let us know if you need anything. We’ll book the flight after dinner.” He kissed her again. “The sooner, you leave, the sooner you can come back.”

Lee smiled. “Thanks guys.”

She squeezed Joseph’s hand and smiled at him.